Frankie Frost/Marin Independent Journal
Barry TompkinsI think I now know what I’m going to do when I grow up. I am going to be a creator of television shows.
I’m feeling pretty confident now based on my suggestions for new shows in last week’s column. The response from you, my loyal readers, ranged from tepid to “Hmm.” I take that as a vote of confidence.
It is to that end in this new age of television viewing, that I present a few suggestions I’m planning on running by the Hollywood poobahs who can greenlight an exciting new project.
Remember, there’s plenty of room now that we’re watching eight hours of TV per week more than we were pre-pandemic.
There may have been some shows that sound something like those I’m pitching here, but I think you’ll recognize a new spin that I think should grab audiences.
• “Barcos.” A Mexican Chihuahua takes over a drug cartel and concocts a plan to sell it to Taco Bell in exchange for being the company spokesdog.
• “Rescue 4-1-1.” Being unable to make a house call during the pandemic, firefighters Bobby Nash and Buck Buckley devise a plan to inform residents how to climb a tree and save a cat.
• “Buffy the Vampire Sailor.” A possessed woman attempts to navigate treacherous waters in a rubber boat, while attempting not to puncture it with her teeth.
• “Tiger King The Sequel.” Two tattooed people, who have done everything possible to get themselves eaten by a tiger, invest in a crossbreeding experiment with a parrot breeder. They’re not sure what to call it, but when it talks — they listen.
• “Krazo.” The makers of “Ozark,” in a never-before-seen experiment, begin the new season with the last episode and run them backwards, ending with the pilot.
• “America’s No Talent.” The Kardashians try to convince a panel of celebrities that there is no requirement for a discernible ability to do anything in order to be famous. Hilarity ensues when Khloe’s lips explode on camera.
• “Game of Thorns.” Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson hosts this celebrity game show in which contestants must run naked through a field of bramble and jump into a vat of mashed potatoes while attempting to stem the flow of blood.
• “America’s Really Hysterical Home Videos.” A 13-part series featuring skateboarders attempting trick maneuvers on a metal railing. In a surprise ending, the contestant with the season’s most spectacular groinal injury gets a tryout with the Vienna Boys Choir.
• “Star Drek.” Episode one features William Shatner attempting to get into the spacesuit he wore in the original series. Alf makes a surprise guest appearance as an out-of-work alien.
• “Orange is the New Flack.” After he is defeated in his bid for reelection and carried from the White House, Donald Trump begins a new career as a public relations man. Against the advice of top advisors, he takes on himself as his first client. And then fires himself. And his advisors.
• “Baking Bad.” When the meth lab is raided and Walt and Jesse are left without a job, they turn to Duff Goldman of Charm City Cakes to repurpose the ovens for baking cookies. The plan fails when just enough meth was leftover to drive much of America into chocolate chip cookie rehab.
OK. That’s it. I’ve put on my blue cashmere jacket, open-collared, starched white shirt, loafers (no socks), peppercorn pendant and shades, and I’m off to Hollywood.
I’ll see you next week. Unless I get hired by Variety.
Barry Tompkins is a longtime sports broadcaster who lives in Marin. Contact him at barrytompkins1@gmail.com.
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June 21, 2020 at 02:01AM
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TV shows custom made for a coranavirus pandemic - Marin Independent Journal
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